Welcome back to my blog! Training camp is officially over, and now we’re on our way to start our domestic ministry before leaving for Jamaica! Praise God!!

If I had to sum up training camp in one word, it would definitely be stretching. I have been stretched and pushed in so many ways this week that I wasn’t expecting or prepared for. I have seen the Lord move in so many ways, and I’m so expectant for what’s to come.

Though training camp is known for how physically uncomfortable and challenging it is, for me, the hardest part was the emotional aspect. Having to say goodbye to my family, friends, and everything I’ve ever known while trying to acclimate to a new environment with new people and a new schedule was so emotionally draining. The first few days all I wanted to do was go home, and I started thinking that I wasn’t cut out to be here. I started doubting that maybe I didn’t hear the Lord right, and maybe I wasn’t supposed to be here. But the growth I’ve had in just this one week because of all of the hard is more than I ever expected to have.

This week I slept in a tent for 9 days, experienced a bucket shower for the first time, spent almost all day, everyday out in the Georgia heat and humidity, and stepped into a group of almost 40 people who I had never met and hardly talked to. The worship we’ve gotten to partake in everyday has been healing and has truly put my heart in a different place, as well as all of the sessions and teachings we heard. There’s been so much that has come up in my heart that I really thought I was over, and I realized I wasn’t finding my identity in Him alone. 10 days really doesn’t seem like much, but these past 10 days have felt like the longest of my life, and it seemed like there was no end in sight. But the last 3 days something’s been different. I’ve experienced a heart change that I didn’t know I needed. I realized that He really is worthy of it all. All of my comforts. All of the familiarity. All of the exhaustion, and the hardship, and the grief. I realized I’ve been living so much of my life in comfort, and in consistency. I’ve definitely been stretched in many ways before this, but I’ve always been able to fall back onto my people, or my home, or what didn’t feel scary and unknown. But being out here in Gainesville with nothing familiar or comfortable, I’ve been so vulnerable and raw to all of my emotions. But the Lord has truly met me throughout all of it. I feel like a different person already.

This week I’ve experienced so much of the Lord’s goodness, restoration, and provision. I’ve realized that He’s not only good in the easy and comfortable, but He’s still SO good in all of the unknown and the hard. Throughout training camp, I’ve been asking Him to search me and know me (psalm 139), and He has brought to light so many things that have been hidden in the depths of my heart. I’ve realized that I’ve told myself for too long what I’m capable of and what I’m not capable of, which has prevented me from so many experiences and opportunities. I’ve found more freedom this week in a camp I couldn’t leave in the middle of Georgia, than I ever have even at home with all of the privileges and comforts I have. It seems backwards, but it’s shown me how no matter your circumstances, there is freedom in Christ. It reminds me of Paul, and how he was imprisoned yet wrote the most joyous and encouraging letter to the Philippians. It’s shown me that my circumstances mean nothing in the face of a God who holds everything.

On Friday night I made the decision from the Lord’s prompting and conviction to “rededicate” my life to Him. I got baptized. I never really knew how to feel about a second baptism, but I realized that it’s an expression of your faith and a declaration of your surrender, and it’s not your salvation. By His grace, I’ve been saved for most of my life, but there’s such a clear difference in how I live now in comparison to how I once used to. This year, I am all in. I am fully in awe of my Creator, and I have decided to fully open up my heart to Him. He can handle every part of it; all of the mess, the pain, the ugly, the hard. You don’t have to clean yourself to go before Him. HE is the one who washed us white as snow. Learning that was truly eye opening for me; knowing I don’t have to do it on my own, and I don’t have to make myself spotless. His blood is the only thing that can make me clean.

So, as hard, emotional, tiring, draining, and just uncomfortable training camp was, I see it now as such a blessing. Something I had to keep reminding myself is that this is not a phase, but it is a season. A hard season, but a good one. I’m so ready to see how He moves in the nations. My heart is ready to pour out His love and be His hands and feet for others.

Please be praying for this next week as we’re starting our domestic ministry in Georgia. This is part of our preparation before we step out onto the field internationally. I can’t believe training camp’s over, and we’re finally starting ministry, but I’m so excited!! Thank you for all of your support, and prayer over this difficult week I’ve had. Truly, all the encouragement, love, and prayer has gotten me through! More updates to come after domestic ministry!! May the Lord bless each one of you!!

Ella Thoma